oh and when i was a year old, after i got my foot amputated my parents were pushing me around in a stroller at a street festival in miami and i was chewing on my foot or whatever and this street performer came up to us and was like “aw i bet that…
girls who can run in heels should be feared
There’s nothing sadder than washing away perfect eyeliner.
No woman wants an abortion like she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche. She wants an abortion like an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its own leg.
you know girls can tell when you look at their boobs
i don’t care how quickly you glance, 1 second is like 5 seconds in boob time
Today my friend told me that his older brother locks him in the closet so often that his mom leaves a whistle there so she knows to get him out
Let me tell you a story. Once at a party, I had all the little girls sitting around me and I was asking…
that one celebrity crush that is both the cutest person you have ever seen but also the sexiest motherfucker on the planet
ya but have u ever seen brown eyes when they’re in the sun??? they literally turn gold like screw those lame ass blue and green motherfuckers gettin all the love